So last night as I laid in bed, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep….I had an epiphany. I like to write.
Whoa, there I said it. It may not be a surprise to some people, but for me, I didn’t realize it until now. During my time at Ignatius while working on articles or news releases, I used to whine about how much I hated writing and what a pain in the ass it was. I thought and truly believed I was a horrific writer. I admit it…I’m not that great. Yes, spell-check is my saving grace and when it comes to following correct journalistic style, I don’t. I am the queen of double negatives and all the other party-fouls of writing, yet there is this drive inside of me that I just can’t help sometimes. Maybe my brain just got used to writing but there is something about sitting in front of the computer screen with a blank word document or turning to an untouched, fresh sheet of paper in a journal that calls me to fill it with my thoughts, revelations and theories about life or whatever is going on in that moment. Maybe I wasn’t writing about the right things before. Or perhaps it isn’t until something is taken away from you or absent from your life that you realize how much it really meant to you. And still does.
Someone who truly opened my eyes to the wonderful world of writing is none other than Cleveland’s finest, Regina Brett. Throughout the years, I have read countless articles by her in the Plain Dealer, however last summer while in the bookstore at work, something caught my eye. Sitting on the counter for sale was her book, God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours. I ended up getting it for myself and it probably is the best purchase I ever made from that bookstore. Last summer, my thoughts were all over the place. Especially when it came to the future and especially with my then-current situation at work. As much as I loved my job and working there, sometimes you just know deep down when it isn’t working out anymore. Change is needed, things and people aren't what or who you thought they were, you begin to feel your time slowly running out, no matter how much you just want to stop it from happening. That feeling scared the shit out of me, causing me to feel lost, anxious, defeated and alone. As I read Regina's book, her words just clicked within my heart and I began to look at life on a much deeper level. I really believe reading that book was the first step of the transformation into this person I am today. It was then I realized life was so much more than what I want or what I think should happen. I discovered a voice inside of me that was dying to get out and I needed to trust it.
The way in which Regina views life is incredible, but most importantly, it is honest. Her life has been far from perfect but she has used the trials and tribulations to learn how to live. She sees life for what it truly is…a gift. There are fifty chapters, each including a lesson she has learned throughout life. I stumbled across the book this morning and I began to look through the chapter list. I found myself discovering how certain lessons/chapters pertain to my life today, in this moment, that I may have skipped over or not really paid enough attention while reading the book last summer. As I decided to re-read the book I thought, how can I not write about this treasure of wisdom. Regina and I have many similarities when it comes our views on life and even more special, Ignatian Spirituality. She references St. Ignatius numerous times throughout the book and uses him as a guide to understanding certain lessons of life. I want to share some of these lessons and I will first start off with my favorite lesson of Regina’s...crying. Tears are a major aspect of who I am….ever since I was a little girl I spoke with my eyes using tears as my words. I have been criticized for this and often felt embarrassed and ashamed. It was not until a year ago I read this chapter I realized I actually have an advantage in life and my tears are a gift. The follow excerpt is from Chapter 7 of God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours.
....Most of us were taught that tears are a sign of weakness. If you get upset at work, you go into the bathroom and cry. You hide in a stall and muffle the sobs with gobs of toilet tissue. Read any business article about how women can get ahead in the corporate world and they all warn: no tears. Don't ever let them see you cry.
If you cry out in the open, people try to stop you. It makes them uncomfortable. It's socially unacceptable. To cry openly shows lack of control, loss of power. In a culture that values strength, even tearing up is unacceptable.
All my life, I tried to become stronger by crying less. But whenever I held the sadness in, my face grew red, my cheeks hurt and the tears escaped no matter how hard I tried to squeeze them back.
Then one day a counselor told me that those tears were an asset. Carol said they were part of me, just like my blue eyes and brown hair. "What a wonderful gift, to feel so intensely." she said.
The best advice I ever got on crying was to do it with someone. Carol told me that crying alone isn't as powerful as crying with another person. Cry alone and you'll keep crying those same tears over and over. Cry with someone and those tears have the power to heal you once and for all.
When I was getting my master's degree in in religious studies, I read a book about a saint who nearly lost his vision because he cried so much and so often. Saint Ignatius, who founded the Jesuits, considered his tears to be a great gift from God. He mentions tears 175 times in the first part of his spiritual diary and speak of tears in every single entry in the second half. They weren't a few drops here and there, but great torrents so intense they left him speechless. Those tears brought him great gifts--humility, intimacy with God, greater devotion, peace and strength. He considered tears to be a mystical grace.
Too bad so many men and women refuse to cry and boast about not doing it. I remember someone telling me after seeing the movie Schindler's List that he almost cried. Almost? Why did he hold back? Why does anyone? I couldn't even if I wanted to. I let the tears flow and make sure all my mascara is waterproof.
One of my favorite verses in the Christian Bible is the shortest one of all: "Jesus wept." He showed his humility. He shed his messy unmanly tears. He didn't do it in private. He did it in front of his friends and followers. In front of a crowd.
We need to stop hiding our tears and actually share them. It takes a strong person to cry. It takes a stronger person to let others see those tears. We need to be tough enough to be tender, no matter who is watching.
....Most of us were taught that tears are a sign of weakness. If you get upset at work, you go into the bathroom and cry. You hide in a stall and muffle the sobs with gobs of toilet tissue. Read any business article about how women can get ahead in the corporate world and they all warn: no tears. Don't ever let them see you cry.
If you cry out in the open, people try to stop you. It makes them uncomfortable. It's socially unacceptable. To cry openly shows lack of control, loss of power. In a culture that values strength, even tearing up is unacceptable.
All my life, I tried to become stronger by crying less. But whenever I held the sadness in, my face grew red, my cheeks hurt and the tears escaped no matter how hard I tried to squeeze them back.
Then one day a counselor told me that those tears were an asset. Carol said they were part of me, just like my blue eyes and brown hair. "What a wonderful gift, to feel so intensely." she said.
The best advice I ever got on crying was to do it with someone. Carol told me that crying alone isn't as powerful as crying with another person. Cry alone and you'll keep crying those same tears over and over. Cry with someone and those tears have the power to heal you once and for all.
When I was getting my master's degree in in religious studies, I read a book about a saint who nearly lost his vision because he cried so much and so often. Saint Ignatius, who founded the Jesuits, considered his tears to be a great gift from God. He mentions tears 175 times in the first part of his spiritual diary and speak of tears in every single entry in the second half. They weren't a few drops here and there, but great torrents so intense they left him speechless. Those tears brought him great gifts--humility, intimacy with God, greater devotion, peace and strength. He considered tears to be a mystical grace.
Too bad so many men and women refuse to cry and boast about not doing it. I remember someone telling me after seeing the movie Schindler's List that he almost cried. Almost? Why did he hold back? Why does anyone? I couldn't even if I wanted to. I let the tears flow and make sure all my mascara is waterproof.
One of my favorite verses in the Christian Bible is the shortest one of all: "Jesus wept." He showed his humility. He shed his messy unmanly tears. He didn't do it in private. He did it in front of his friends and followers. In front of a crowd.
We need to stop hiding our tears and actually share them. It takes a strong person to cry. It takes a stronger person to let others see those tears. We need to be tough enough to be tender, no matter who is watching.
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