A heartbeat at my feet

"My little dog--a heart beat at my feet."

~Edith Wharton

Two years ago on this day, September 26, my heart was forever changed. My mom and I drove down to Louisville, Kentucky with plans of rescuing a female black pug; however it was her that rescued me.

I have found that when you are deeply troubled, there are things you get from the silent devoted companionship of a dog that you can get from no other source. -Doris Day

As my mom and I drove the 5 ½ hours down to Louisville, and I had a million thoughts running through my head. “Am I really ready to take care of a dog? Is this thing going to put a dent in my social life? Instead of always doing what I want, when I want, I am going to have a dog at home that I HAVE to take care of. Do I really want that responsibility? I’m only 25 and in the primetime of my life. My favorite hour is happy hour and I can kiss those goodbye. What am I getting myself into?!?!” To tell you the truth….I was anxious, nervous and wanted to turn around the entire drive.

 Dogs never lie about love. ~Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson

As we pulled into the driveway I thought this four legged creature better be worth it. We rang the doorbell, walked inside and that was it. As I walked in the doorway, this scrawny, little black pug that sounded like a 300 pound overweight man came running at me like I was her saving grace. I kneeled down and she jumped in my arms, kissing my face as she was saying, I KNEW YOU WOULD COME. She didn’t even acknowledge my mom who is like a freakin dog whisperer. No joke, just call her Cesar Millan. This dog just looked at me like she knew me….that I was hers and she had been waiting this whole time for me.

There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog. ~Konrad Lorenz

She was a complete mess. Every 5 seconds the dog would squat and piss blood. She was completely emaciated and not I only could feel all her rib bones, I could count them. Her breathing was loud and scary….it sounded like she was dying.  The woman that was giving her to us had recently rescued a large group of pugs from an abandoned barn used as a puppy mill a few months prior. She was trying to find homes and families to adopt the dogs. When we went to pick up “Wilma” as she was listed online, we had no idea she would be as sick as she was because this woman advertised them as mostly healthy. My mom took one look at her and then looked at me, telling me that I didn’t have to take her because of her condition and not knowing if she would even survive. I looked down at those eyes staring up at me and I knew that I couldn’t turn away from her. She needed me and something inside of me needed her too.

 Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them,
Filling an emptiness we don't even know we have. ~Thom Jones

The first night of our life together, she spent inside an oxygen filled incubator. We took her to an emergency vet clinic and I’ll never forget when Jimmy Redman, aka Dr. McHottie, asked me her name and without hesitation, I said Sasha. There was a huge list of things wrong with the poor girl. She had a collapsed lung from most likely being beaten, a “raging” UTI, bladder stones, kidney stones, parasites, you name it. McHottie told me that she was only 1 ½ years old and must have had at least 2 litters already, explaining it as a puppy having puppies. He also explained that a dog should be a certain age before breeding and a person should wait at least six months before attempting to breed the dog again. He also told me that if I hadn’t come along, she would have died soon.  That fall was spent getting Sasha healthy after two major surgeries (one for her breathing the other due to damage from having puppies) and countless antibiotics. I had a lot of help from my parents those months, so I give them all the credit. People told me I was crazy but that thought never crossed my mind. She never acted like she was in pain….she was just happy to belong to someone. The vets believed that she was in so much pain and had always been in pain, that she didn’t know what normal was.

 I can't think of anything that brings me closer to tears than when my old dog — completely exhausted after a hard day in the field — limps away from her nice spot in front of the fire and comes over to where I'm sitting and puts her head in my lap, a paw over my knee, and closes her eyes, and goes back to sleep. I don't know what I've done to deserve that kind of friend. ~Gene Hill

People can read this and think I am crazy for writing about a dog or even how I feel about this dog. All I can say is, I never knew a certain love existed until Sasha came into my life. I can’t explain it….I really can’t. There is so much joy in her eyes that I can feel it every time I look at her. She lives in a world where love is all there is. She doesn’t remember her horrible past and maybe that is just because she is a dog. But that joy was in her eyes the moment I saw her, even when suffering horrific pain. She smiles….the dog actually smiles…she was smiling the moment I walked in the door and has every time since. She has a love for life that most people never find; a love for people that I don’t understand, and she loves me when I find it hard to love myself. Every day I see her smiling face, she makes my heart smile and reminds me that unconditional love does exist. I know that my parents and brothers love me unconditionally, but like all relationships, there are ups and down, fights and disappointments which sometimes make it hard to feel that unconditional part of love. No matter what I do, where I go, how long I am gone and whether I am right or wrong….there Sasha is at my side, loving me. Times when I am discouraged, saddened, and hopeless, she reminds me that life is a gift because she truly is so happy to be alive. She is fighter and she doesn’t stop until she gets what she wants. How do I know that, because I watch her go after her stupid balls that are stuck under my couches and chair which annoys the HELL out of me, but she always finds a way to get the damn ball. Determination....she for sure is a fierce little bitch.  

 Dogs don't know about beginnings, and they don't speculate on matters that occurred before their time. Dogs also don't know — or at least don't accept — the concept of death. With no concept of beginnings or endings dogs probably don't know that for people having a dog as a life companion provides a streak of light between two eternities of darkness. ~Stanley Coren

In conclusion, I am happy that God brought this little creature to my life. She brought light into my life when I was falling into darkness. Sasha lit a candle of love in my heart that shows me how beautiful life is from the simple wonders of nature, to finding and recognizing people whom make that light in my heart brighter just being in their presence.

No one can fully understand the meaning of love unless he's owned a dog. A dog can show you more honest affection with a flick of his tail than a man can gather through a lifetime of handshakes. ~Gene Hill

His ears were often the first thing to catch my tears.

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning, referring to her cocker spaniel, Flush

He never makes it his business to inquire whether you are in the right or wrong, never bothers as to whether you are going up or down life's ladder, never asks whether you are rich or poor, silly or wise, sinner or saint. You are his pal. That is enough for him.

~Jerome K. Jerome

The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made his greatest gift the commonest.

~Martin Luther

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

~Josh Billing