May 29, 2011

For the ones who sing life into broken wings

Say Yes
by Andrea Gibson 

When two violins are placed in a room
if a chord on one violin is struck
the other violin will sound the note.
If this is your definition of hope,
this is for you.
For the ones who know how powerful we are,
who know we can sound the music in the people around us
simply by playing our strings.
For the ones who sing life into broken wings,
open their chests and offer their breath
as wind on a still day when nothing seems to be moving
spare those intent on proving god is dead.
For you when your fingers are red
from clutching your heart so it will beat faster.
For the time you master the art
of giving yourself for the sake of someone else.
For the ones who have felt what it is to crush the lies
and lift the truth so high that steeples bow to the sky.

This is for  you.

This is also for the people who wake early
to watch the flowers bloom.
Who notice the moon at noon on a day when the world
has slapped them in the face with its lack of light.
For the mothers who feed their children first
and thirst for nothing when they’re full.

This is for women.
And for the men who taught me
only women bleed with the moon,
but there are men who cry when women bleed
men who bleed from women’s wounds.
And this is for that moon
on the nights she seems hung by a noose,
for the people who cut her loose
and for the people still waiting for the rope to burn
about to learn they have scissors in their hands.

This is for the man who showed me
the hardest thing about having nothing
Is having nothing to give,
who said the only reason to live is to give ourselves away.
So this is for the day we’ll quit our jobs
and work for something real.
We’ll feel for sunshine in the shadows,
look for sunrays in the shade.
This is for the people who rattle the cage that slave wage built,
and for the ones who didn’t know the filth until tonight
but right now are beginning songs that sound something like
people turning their porch lights on
and calling the homeless back home.

This is for all the shit we own,
and for the day we’ll learn how much we have
when we learn to give our shit away.
This is for doubt becoming faith,
for falling from grace and climbing back up.
For trading our silver platters for something that matters,
like gold that shines from our hands
when we hold each other.

This is for your grandmother,
who walked a thousand miles on broken glass
to find that single patch of grass to plant a family tree
where the fruit would grow to laugh.
For the ones who know the math of war
has always been subtraction
so they live like an action of addition.
For you when you give like every star is wishing on you,
and for the people still wishing on stars
This is for you too.

This is for the times you went through hell
So someone else wouldn’t have to.
For the time you taught a 14-year-old girl
she was powerful.
For the time you taught a 14-year-old boy
he was beautiful.
For the radical anarchist asking a republican to dance,
‘cause what’s the chance of anyone moving from right to left
if the only moves they see are NBC and CBS.
This is for the no becoming yes,
for fear becoming trust,
for saying I love you to people who will never say it to us.

For scraping away the rust and remembering how to shine.
For the dime you gave away when you didn’t have a penny.
For the beautiful things we do,
for every song we’ve ever sung,
for refusing to believe in miracles
because miracles are the impossible coming true
and everything is possible.

This is for the possibility that guides us
and for the possibilities still waiting to sing
and spread their wings inside us,
‘cause tonight Saturn is on his knees
proposing with all his ten thousand rings
that whatever song we’ve been singing we sing even more.
The world needs us right now more than it has ever before.
Pull all your strings.
Play every chord.

If you’re writing letters to the prisoners
start tearing down the bars.
If you’re handing out flashlights in the dark
start handing out stars.

Never go a second hushing the percussion of your heart.
Play loud.
Play like you know the clouds
have left too many people cold and broken
and you’re their last chance for sun.
Play like there’s no time for hoping brighter days will come.
Play like the apocalypse is only 4…3…2…but you
have drum in your chest that could save us.

You have a song like a breath that could raise us
like the sunrise into a dark sky that cries to be blue.
Play like you know we won’t survive if you don’t
but we will if you do.
Play like Saturn on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that we give every single breath.
This is for saying, YES.
This is for saying, YES.

May 23, 2011

This is my goddamn revolt

Andrea Gibson is a phenomenal writer. You can really feel the passion within her writing and she puts it down in such a captivating way. Granted, I can't identify with her liking women, but I can identify with feeling that desire towards another person.....we all can. I got Andrea's book last summer or early fall I think. It's absolutely incredible. I actually just stumbled upon this poem online this morning and it reminded me of how much I love her writing. Now I can't wait to get home and sit outside (hopefully it won't be raining) to read her book again. Anyways, I was in the mood to post something today and after I read this I was like, boom....this is it.

Pole Dancer

She pole-dances to gospel hymns.
Came out to her family in the middle of Thanksgiving grace.
I knew she was trouble
two years before our first date.
But my heart was a Labrador Retriever
with its head hung out the window of a car
tongue flapping in the wind
on a highway going 95
whenever she walked by.

So I mastered the art of crochet
and I crocheted her a winter scarf
and one night at the bar I gave it to her with a note
that said something like,
I hope this keeps your neck warm.
If it doesn't give me a call.


The key to finding love
is fucking up the pattern on purpose
is skipping a stitch,
is leaving a tiny, tiny hole to let the cold in
and hoping she mends it with your lips.

This morning I was counting her freckles.
She has five on the left side of her face, seven on the other
and I love her for every speck of trouble she is.
She's frickin' awesome.

Like popcorn at a drive-in movie
that neither of us has any intention of watching.
Like Batman and Robin
in a pick-up truck in the front row with the windows steamed up.
Like Pacman in the eighties,
she swallows my ghosts.

Slaps me on my dark side and says,
"Baby, this is the best day ever."
So I stop listening for the sound of the ocean
in the shells of bullets I hoped missed us
to see there are white flags from the tips of her toes
to her tear ducts
and I can wear her halos as handcuffs
'cause I don't wanna be a witness to this life,
I want to be charged and convicted,
ear lifted to her song like a bouquet of yes
because my heart is a parachute that has never opened in time
and I wanna fuck up that pattern,
leave a hole where the cold comes in and fill it every day with her sun,
'cause anyone who has ever sat in lotus for more than a few seconds
knows it takes a hell of a lot more muscle to stay than to go.

And I want to grow
strong as the last patch of sage on a hillside
stretching towards the lightning.
God has always been an arsonist.
Heaven has always been on fire.
She is a butterfly knife bursting from a cocoon in my belly.
Love is a half moon hanging above Baghdad
promising to one day grow full,
to pull the tides through our desert wounds
and fill every clip of empty shells with the ocean.
Already there is salt on my lips.

Lover, this is not just another poem.
This is my goddamn revolt.
I am done holding my tongue like a bible.
There is too much war in every verse of our silence.
We have all dug too many trenches away from ourselves.

This time I want to melt like a snowman in Georgia,
'til my smile is a pile of rocks you can pick up
and skip across the lake of your doubts.

Trust me,
I have been practicing my ripple.
I have been breaking into mannequin factories
and pouring my pink heart into their white paint.
I have been painting the night sky upon the inside of doorframes
so only moonshine will fall on your head in the earthquake.
I have been collecting your whispers and your whiplash
and your half-hour-long voice mail messages.
Lover, did you see the sunset tonight?
Did you see Neruda lay down on the horizon?
Do you know it was his lover who painted him red,
who made him stare down the bullet holes
in his country's heart?

I am not looking for roses.
I want to break like a fever.
I want to break like the Berlin Wall.
I want to break like the clouds
so we can see every fearless star,
how they never speak guardrail,
how they can only say fall

May 20, 2011

Suffering is optional

So I haven't posted in like a week. I'm sure the two people that actually read this were totally bummed. Okay, maybe there is one person out there?! Whatevs, this is more for me and if I happen to post something that hits home to someone else or makes you think for a bit...slow down, take a deep breath, smell the roses and realize this world we live in is beautiful, than it's all good and its and extra bonus.

My uncle forwarded along an awesome quote he found going through his old emails yesterday. It's something everyone can identify with. I hate bringing up over and over how its been a tough year, because I'm not looking for anyone's pity and I hate when people whine about how crappy their lives are because you know, everyone is dealing with something or another. Problems are problems, no matter how big or small they are. I look back at the lowest point in my life and I had no huge, life altering occurrences that happened to make me upset. There were things, but at that time, they had a major impact on me. On paper, this past year has easily has been the shittiest with everything that has happened, yet I think it may be the best year of my life. I have grown into the woman I have always wanted to be. The one that was always inside of me but I never let her come out. I can't explain it, there are no words I can put down to express what I feel awakening inside of me. All I know is, life doesn't turn out the way you always thought it would. You will be hurt over and over and over. Shit is always gonna happen. There will come a time again when I will feel hopeless, sad, alone. But today, in this moment, I'm happy. I see the beauty in everything life has to offer, in the big and small things. Every thing is so much more than it's surface. If you take the time to look, I mean really look, you can find goodness in everything. And sometimes, even if its just little moments like what I'm feeling right now, you realize the life that you are actually living is much better than the one you wanted. Because the thing is, it's real. The life that has been given to us is what's real, not what we want or dream up in our heads. Today, right now, this is it. This is life...it's up to us if we decide to live it or not.

*It is in your darkest moments that a real shift in your life can happen. Your soul uses both the dark and the light to propel you forward on your path of learning, upliftment and growth. Pain is a powerful motivator. Pain tells you when something needs to be remedied quickly. Pain can also tell you when you are off course. We do not yet live in an enlightened world where pain is not necessary for growth. Until then, welcome pain in your life. Pain that is not fully accepted will turn into suffering. Pain is an aspect of life. Suffering is optional*

May 11, 2011

Mine is Yours


Wow, where to begin?! First off, I always thought Cold War Kids were an awesome band, however when I got their album, Mine is Yours, I was blown the freak away. No joke. This album is unbelievably amazing....definitely the best album I have heard in years. I haven't connected to an album like this since Death Cab's, Plans, back in 2005....that is what, almost 6 years ago so its obvi pretty damn good!


A few months ago I went during my lunch to pick up some new CDs I wanted. Yeah, I can't buy albums off itunes anymore because I don't have itunes! Where I work now is super strict with internet access, which I completely understand, and the laptop I am using is a work computer so I don't have administrative rights and I can't download itunes to it. I know that is besides the point, but I have to buy CDs now and I feel like I am back in high school. At first I was totally annoyed with it because you know, they are all over my car and they get scratched so easily and when I'm driving I'm searching in all my little compartments for the CD I want to listen to. That leads to me not paying attention and I end up going off the road or almost hit someone, cars are beeping at me. I just can't multi-task like that! Howevs, when I got Mine is Yours and I remembered how cool the album sleeves and little program thingies that sometimes have the lyrics are. Before I even put the CD on I was blown away by the art work in their album program. Here are some pics from it.
So back to the music....this band is the shit. This album is different than their previous ones; the songs are filled with more raw emotions and its much deeper. For me, the deeper an artist digs the more alive their music becomes. I like to get a sense of what the artist was feeling when he wrote whatever he wrote. It becomes more personal which results in more of a connection. Nathan Willett is the lead vocals and you can really feel his pain, frustration, passion, desire, whatever emotion it is. This album is perfect for blasting in your car and just getting lost inside of the songs. The mixture of his voice and the guitar just takes you along the experience of his songs. I don't think I can pick a favorite song on this record. At one point, each song has been a favorite. This is definitely an album I can listen to over and over and never get tired of. I haven't found an album like this in years. The lyrics...its like poetry set to music. I think everyone can relate to his writing, in one song or another. Lyrics are a major part of music, at least for me. When words become alive, set to a melody of your life, when the words hit a note within your own heart, I can't explain it. It's just icing on the cake. I wasn't sure which songs to pick, because I seriously like them all. I've been listening to this album a lot the past week, which is why I decided to write about it. I really wish there was a video for the song "Out of the Wilderness" because that song is out of this world. Unfortunately, I couldn't find one. It is probably the most unique song on the album, so be sure to check it out. I think these 3 songs kind of represent all the different angles of this record.






Okay, one last thing. Along with the artwork, they included a quote from John Cassavetes inside the album booklet. I thought it was pretty creative and correlates with the record. Perhaps Nathan connected with this quote was inspired when writing this album, who knows. Thats another thing I like about a writer or a band....when they keep you guessing.

"When I saw her, that was it, I said that's the girl I'm gonna marry. Well it was a hard struggle to convince her. I kept Gena under constant scrutiny. I was enormously jealous, filled with suspicions about other men, and with the terror that those suspicions might be correct. She wouldn't put up with that and finally I relaxed. In the beginning of our marriage, I made a bargain. Gena would fight me to the bitter end, and I would fight her to the bitter end. The bargain never has been broken. Together we live a magnificent, unassembled, emotional, and undisciplined life. I can't think of anyone with whom I would rather argue or love than my wife. We fight, argue, kill each other off every single day, Gena and me. But thats only surface, cause we both have the understanding that when we don't do that, its all over."
~John Cassavetes

May 9, 2011

Thank God my music's still alive

May is the month of music! I gave you a sweet little taste of some MMJ but that was just an introduction to them. Trust, they have some much better songs. Howevs, today I concentrate on one man and his ability to awaken every inch inside my soul.....SIR ELTON JOHN.

Oh man, where to begin? Well, my love affair with this dubbed knight began my freshman year of college. I always liked Elton but it wasn’t until a certain person came into my life that opened my eyes to the sensation of music and how it can awaken dormant feelings inside of you. Sometimes you need something so marvelous to move within you to make you aware.

My first night at John Carroll, I was sitting on the bench outside of Dolan, smoking a cigarette, three sheets to the wind, naturally. This blonde little hippie-chick came to join me and I had no idea in that moment my life would be forever changed. I have never met someone as unique and spirited as Kiki. She has this energy surrounding her that just draws people in and being in her presence you get to see the world through her eyes….and what a spectacular view that is. You begin to see the beauty in all things: big and small. Feel things and its entirety. My whole life, I have been someone that feels emotions quite intensely and embraces it, the good and bad. It has been a struggle; when I am happy, I am ecstatic however when I am sad, my heart aches. I put my entire self being into what I feel, into my passions. I tend to ignore my brain and follow my heart which has resulted with much pain but also brought moments of pure joy I would never trade in. For such a long time, I did not understand that not everyone lives their life this way.  It took many years and much disappointment to learn most people are scared of the intensity emotions bring and either suppress or ignore it. Above all, I learned most people think with their head. I too, was terrified of feeling that intensity; I still am. However, as many times as I have tried to turn off that switch and ignore it, I can’t. I thought there was something wrong me with me and I should be like everyone else. Most of all I felt terribly alone, but when I met Kiki I realized I wasn’t alone and this is actually a gift. Our friendship opened my eyes to the reality of the world and how to escape:
Music.
You can lose yourself in music and find yourself at the same time. She introduced me to the wonder of Elton John and listening to him, for the first time in my life, I felt free. I felt comfort, I felt home. She and I would drive around in the infamous black lexus with the bright yellow Nebraska plates, listen to amazing music while lifting our spirits, have awesome conversations, feel whatever we felt at that moment and most importantly, laugh. We didn’t have to hide who we were, rather explore the depth of our cores. We could listen to Elton John and take a break from whatever was weighing heavy on us.

Kiki left John Carroll after freshman year but that year was enough to help me learn how to embrace all life has to offer. The journey hasn’t always been easy. Shit happens in life and you have to deal with it. Trust will be broken and faith seems to slip away so easily at times. Kiki inspired me to stop fighting with myself and live what is true in my heart.  It takes an enormous amount of work and I have lost sight of it many times. But when I listen to Elton, it alll comes back. I find myself and I find peace when I listen to Elton. It's like my happy place….the melody of my soul. So below are my top 5 favorite Elton songs.

5. Levon

4. Tiny Dancer

3. Mona Lisa and Mad Hatters

2. Your Song

1. Someone Saved my Life Tonight

It's 4:00 in the morning
Damn it, listen to me good
I'm sleeping with myself tonight
Saved in time, thank God my music's still alive

May 6, 2011

The way that he sings

Music is a major part of my life as I am sure it is with all of you. Have you ever heard an album that has changed your life? You hear a song and it blows your mind….it is as if the artist singing knows the words to your heart. Music is the most comforting entity in this world next to the human touch. It can make you happy, it can make you sad. Music can move feelings inside of you that you didn’t know you had. It can make you laugh and it can take you back to certain moments in your life. Every feeling and emotion can be expressed through music when conversation is lacking. I have a very lyrical and poetic soul, however it is hard for me to get the words out. It truly is a gift to be able to put your feelings into words in such an eloquent way. That is why I love poetry so much…these people speak the words of my heart that I have trouble speaking. I feel it, I just can’t say it. It as if my heart speaks to my brain, but there is something lacking between my brain and my mouth.  Music is when words become alive. Emotions are set free and lifted up from inside of your soul. It doesn’t have to be so intense, so deep. Excitement, joy and humor are released as well. Frustration and anger. Sexuality. It’s actually quite incredible when you think of it this way, how music sets you free.

The next few posts will feature some of my favorite albums. Some opened my eyes to a different world, others just make me smile, want to belt my lungs out or dance my ass off.  The great thing about music, as intense as it can me, it also does not have to be so serious…it be playful and exciting. Most of all, it is just stimulating. You can make can make it into whatever you want…..which is also true with your life.

I heard this song my sophomore year of college and fell in love with this band. I can probably write a thesis about My Morning Jacket, so I won't even get started now. I must say if I never heard this song, I would have never loved this band so much, and I would never love music so much, therefore I would never love life so much.

May 5, 2011

The Persistence of Yellow

Once upon a time, a girl prayed for true love.
Her prayer was answered.  She learned to love herself.



And suddenly, the clouds parted and she realized what she had been following.
She saw it there in the distance like a house with wings and a candle burning in every window: 

Her heart.


So, of course, she had to enter.
Once you follow your heart, and then find it, you must open the door.
~Monique Duval

May 4, 2011

No one owes you anything.

 A Gift for My Daughter
by Harry Browne
December 26, 1966

This article was originally published as a syndicated newspaper column, dedicated to my 9-year-old daughter.

It’s Christmas and I have the usual problem of deciding what to give you. I know you might enjoy many things — books, games, clothes.

But I’m very selfish. I want to give you something that will stay with you for more than a few months or years. I want to give you a gift that might remind you of me every Christmas.

If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you learn it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent you from facing many problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.

The truth is simply this:

No one owes you anything.

Significance
How could such a simple statement be important? It may not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life.

No one owes you anything.

It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.

When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be freed from expecting what isn’t likely to be.

It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there’s something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you’ll be loved even more.

When people do things for you, it’s because they want to — because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.

No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it’s not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.

No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people don’t have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you don’t owe them anything either.

Living your Life
No one owes you anything.

You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you’re giving to them.

Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.

Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you’ll never expect the impossible and you won’t be disappointed. Others don’t have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts.

If they do, it’s because you’ve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you’ve earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. They’re not yours by right; you must always earn them.

My Experience
A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out — physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.

No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. I’ve focused on being with people who want to do the things I want them to do.

That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other person’s world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what he wants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want.

And only then can I tell whether I really want to be involved with someone. And I can save the important relationships for those with whom I have the most in common.

It’s not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you re-read this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer every year.

I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: no one owes you anything.



May 3, 2011

There, There Katie

Once I get going I can't stop! Jack's has done it again!!

A dream of mine since high school has always been to date a musician, like a lead singer of a band. One, because how sexy are guys that can play the guitar, have a decent voice and most importantly, can write. And two, I have always wanted someone to write a song about me. I know, that's so lame...I'm such a girl. But I think we all want to be that person to someone else. You know, that inspiration...that you have had such a huge impact on someone's life they can write it down and actually put into words even a little bit of how they feel. That itself is art. So yeah, realistically I will probably never date the lead singer of a band but at least I can listen to this song and pretend Jack's wrote it for me! 


Hammers and Strings

So I had my next post all figured out, hell I have like a list of things to post that I would be good for the next week. But I have been busy with work and other stuff I just haven't gotten around to posting.

Howevs! I am sitting here plugging away at work and this Jack's Mannequin song came on my Pandora I have never heard before and it's too good not to share. I've always loved his shit...from his Something Corporate days to his own stuff. I could go on and on about this dude and how awesome he is, but I got work to do! So enjoy...this is the perfect rainy day song!