Third time's the charm...

Nothing is more practical than finding God; that is, falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love; stay in love, and it will decide everything.

~Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

I have read that quote so many times the past 4 years. With my affinity of good quotes, I have always liked it and thought it was beautiful.  But last night, my spiritual director used it as the closing prayer within our small group and it was as if I heard it for the first time. Goose bumps covered my skin, tears formed in my eyes and my heart began to overflow with love, joy and most of all hope.

The past few months have been quite possibly the hardest months of my life, yet my love for God has never been so strong. Leaving Ignatius was the hardest decision I have made thus far in my life. That place was home to me....it still is. The people I met there and the love I experienced was nothing I ever have felt before. During the homily last night, Fr. Welsh spoke my favorite phrase by him: God is wild about us. Wildly in love with us. He knows everything about us, the good and the bad and STILL loves us....just the way we are. And that is 100% true. I think that is the type of love Fr. Arrupe was talking about from his quote. And I have only known one person in my life that has loved like that....Rita Catherine Hudec.

Losing my grandmother was devastating. I have never known someone who loved so much and so greatly; the way in which Jesus taught us how to love. Even though that last week of her life was very painful, sitting by her side and basically waiting for her to die....it was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. The love that Fr. Welsh and Fr. Arrupe speak about was in every movement within that house. It was in the tears we cried, the hugs we gave, the hands we held. Fr. Welsh said the funeral Mass for my grandmother and he had it right when he said that she loved as Christ loves. Though at times her life was not easy, she never lost her faith in the Lord. Never. In her darkest moments she turned to God to help her.

Deciding to do the Spiritual Exercises for the third time was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I suppose it is true what the say, the third time is the charm! And it was. My group was unbelievable and our spiritual director was phenomenal. I honestly went into it not knowing what would happen or expecting anything. I knew I needed God more than ever and being within the walls of St. Mary's Chapel was comforting and soothing. I swear God was working his ways in every small group. There were many times I came to SPA feeling defeated, hopeless... completely lost. Listening to my group members speak was as if God was talking to me through them. God has a plan...I need to trust it. God wants what is best for us. When going through struggles, He does not want for our life to just go back to how it was before the pain, he want to make it better. He wants to make our lives better and if we trust and follow his call, it will happen. Yes, things do not always turn out the way you want, but you still need to believe and trust the Lord. That is exactly what faith is....trusting even though we do not know what will happen. Loving and believing what is true with in our hearts. Patience is the art of hoping.

Okay this is a long one....I'll shut up now. I just could write a novel about Faith, Hope and Love. Two things I will leave you with. A picture of an incredible CD one of my group members gave to each of us and another group member made us all a key chain consisting of 5 stones for the 5 steps of the Examen and a St. Ignatius of Loyola medal. The second has become my mantra in life. One simple word that has gotten me through the past few months:

BELIEVE. 

Yes, believe. I have learned that all we need in life is to believe.  Believe in God, believe in yourself and most importantly, believe in love.

Okay...I know...I can't stop! Its hard to shut me up, but here are a few videos of songs on the CD I wanted to share. 

This is like the melody of my heart.

I have heard this song many times before, but when I was driving home last night I was really moved. 

We were young, we were dumb, but we had heart

Well, I'm gonna miss that lil dude right there. Today, my brother Chris hopped on a plane and will be living on the island of St. Kitts for the next 28 months attending the vet school of Ross University. Look, even as a toddler the kid loved animals! 

FYI that is some random dog....we were in DC in this picture so he obviously was going after someones dog. Typical.

I know the decision to go to Ross was a very hard one for him. Last year we went to visit the school and it was absolutely amazing. It is unbelievably beautiful down there....it is like living in paradise, however you are so far away from civilization and the people you love. I give the kid credit. I have always looked up to my little brother and admired his drive for whatever he is passionate about. Now, I am blown away and so proud of him for taking this opportunity and going after his dream. It takes a lot of courage to take on new adventures, especially something that is so completely foreign to you. But if you continue to live your life in fear, what kind of life is that?  The priest on Easter Sunday gave an awesome homily. He asked us, "What is the opposite of fear?" I'm thinking...I dunno, courage? And he simply says one word: love

The more we start loving the less afraid we become. It takes a lot of courage to love. And I am talking about all aspects of love. Loving another person, loving the path you have chosen, most importantly...loving yourself.  If you are not loving, then you are not living. It's that simple. The song below has always reminded me of Chris...he loved Tupac growing up, still does. He even named his dog after the guy. It's a good tune so this one goes out to Homo aka Doolittle!

Wait a sec....I gotta add one more song. The theme song to Chris's graduation weekend at OSU! Which I must say was probably one of the best weekends of my life, minus the 6 hours I spent as a walrus feeling like I was dying. Yeah yeah...this song was also the played during the opening shit for all the Cavs games last year, HOWEVS! Chris and my dad were jamming to this song loooooong before this was the Cavs theme song. MY TIME BABAY!

Miss you already and love ya! 

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

~Nelson Mandela

Italian Masterworks

The Cleveland Orchestra at the Museum of Art....I gotta check this out! Finally, someone in Cleveland is thinking outside of the box. Read the article below about the upcoming event, Italian Masterworks. Only $20 to look at breathtaking art while listening to a world class orchestra...that's pretty damn good. That is this way we were meant to look at these paintings and sculptures. Music is a major inspiration so I imagine some of these Italian artists dudes were rocking out to this music while painting. Obviously rocking out is not quite the right verbage in this scenario, but you get my drift. I'm not that eloquent of a writer....like Zachary Lewis who wrote:

Cleveland Orchestra, Museum of Art join forces to explore centuries of Italian music, paintings

If Not Now, When?

July 12, 2011...my first day back in the states after I return from my Ignatius Spirituality Pilgrimage and the new Incubus album comes out!

I am a very happy camper these days. So many of my favorite bands are releasing new albums. Actually...my two all time favorite bands are releasing their new albums on May 31, but I'll touch on that later...

Here is the first single off their new album, check it out. 

A little while back on the Incubus site I found a really cool video, Incubus Xmas Present to Our Fans Video. It's longer, around 25 minutes or so. They basically traveled to South America to play 4 shows and take a break from working on the new album. They hit up Santiago and played a special benefit show for the miners that were trapped underground. So this is a little snippet from that show. If you have the time and you dig Incubus or live music, it's worth it. 

Okay, lastly...when I just wrote the word "dig" I'm like wait a sec...that's an awesome Incubus song. So here's an awesome performance of one of their best songs.

 

There is no breakthrough without breakdown

So a few weeks ago I watched the documentary, The Drums Inside Your Chest, which features brilliant spoken word poets such as Derrick Brown, Buddy Wakefield, Mindy Nettifee to name a few. It is much more powerful when you hear and watch a poet perform their work versus just reading it. By hearing the raw emotion in their voice, you can feel the poem which makes spoken word that art that it is. Mindy is such a powerful, bone-chilling performer that pulls at the strings of your heart and hits each and all high notes perfectly. The poem below is featured on Drums. I have been looking for the performance on youtube for weeks, however I stumbled upon the words today on some chick's blog which kind of inspired me to start one of my own. Enjoy!

The First Time

by Mindy Nettifee

“…some people think the truth is the worst thing that can happen.
The truth is not the worst thing that can happen.”
-Tony Hoagland

I.

The first time your heart was torn from your chest,
You thought you were dying.
You knew you could not live with the empty space.
So you replaced your heart with metaphors
And set out to create a world where the metaphor was unbreakable.

Now look what you’ve done—
You can’t breathe so you write.
You can’t hurt so you drink rum and pour out pirate chanties.
You can’t want revenge so you leave.

II.

When I see you I have two thoughts:
You are the reason The Smith’s wrote songs,
And my god, you are beautiful.

You are so beautiful
Blinking stars go blind.

But I can see this is going to get ugly.
The metaphors don’t make you feel whole anymore.
You sell out your deepest insecurities for a handful of laughs.
This life has you wound so tight you make grandfather clocks look relaxed.
You hold your body like banks hold money—all locked up.
Your shoulders are glass rocks waiting for the next attack.

But you’ve got it all wrong.

You don’t survive history.
History survives you.

There is no breakthrough without breakdown.

III.

If you’re going to break, shatter.
No explanations.
No limp-legged dog excuses.
No messing with this bullet proof vest fury
So popular with the cops and the presidents.

You’ve got to break like Texas.
You’ve got to take the pain from the safety valve of your heart
And return it to your fists.
Fight your better judgment ‘till you’re sinister again,
‘till your body remembers what it already knows how to do—
bend back
and manifest grief.
Scream torches ‘till you embarrass the enlightened.

Please. No more polite conversations with your death wish.
Give it something useful to do.
Change your life.

Cause I can’t stand to see you like this.
So blue, my eyes turn green in your presence.
Listen—you are so beautiful,
Grass pushes through sidewalk cracks just to kiss your feet.

IV.

Maybe no one ever told you,
But the heart IS a metaphor.
Yours is growing so strong
You’ll have your rhythm back any day now—

Loving like rumors spread.
Dreaming like lunatic spacemen jump from their suits.
Living like you never forgot how.

Here goes nothing...

Well, I guess I decided to start a blog. I dunno...will people actually follow it? I really don't give a shit, but if you do...God bless ya! So many times a day I read something, hear something or see something and I'm like, this is good shit! Whether it is an awesome photo, beautiful song, funny youtube vid, moving article...whatevs. Sometimes I wanna share it with people or other times I just want to put it somewhere so I can remember it. So that what this is. I'm sick of posting everything on facebook for the entire world to see. I mean, yeah anyone can read or see this stuff, but its like the people that actually look at this will WANT to look at it. It's not being forced in your face by some social networking site. And don't worry...I'm not going to get all deep and tell you all my life secrets. Howevs I do believe that the books we read, the music we listen to, or the art that inspires us can tell you a lot about a person. It reveals the soul and shows you a little bit of the core of an individual....which is their heart. So this is a little glimpse of my heart.