Third time's the charm...

Nothing is more practical than finding God; that is, falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love; stay in love, and it will decide everything.

~Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

I have read that quote so many times the past 4 years. With my affinity of good quotes, I have always liked it and thought it was beautiful.  But last night, my spiritual director used it as the closing prayer within our small group and it was as if I heard it for the first time. Goose bumps covered my skin, tears formed in my eyes and my heart began to overflow with love, joy and most of all hope.

The past few months have been quite possibly the hardest months of my life, yet my love for God has never been so strong. Leaving Ignatius was the hardest decision I have made thus far in my life. That place was home to me....it still is. The people I met there and the love I experienced was nothing I ever have felt before. During the homily last night, Fr. Welsh spoke my favorite phrase by him: God is wild about us. Wildly in love with us. He knows everything about us, the good and the bad and STILL loves us....just the way we are. And that is 100% true. I think that is the type of love Fr. Arrupe was talking about from his quote. And I have only known one person in my life that has loved like that....Rita Catherine Hudec.

Losing my grandmother was devastating. I have never known someone who loved so much and so greatly; the way in which Jesus taught us how to love. Even though that last week of her life was very painful, sitting by her side and basically waiting for her to die....it was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. The love that Fr. Welsh and Fr. Arrupe speak about was in every movement within that house. It was in the tears we cried, the hugs we gave, the hands we held. Fr. Welsh said the funeral Mass for my grandmother and he had it right when he said that she loved as Christ loves. Though at times her life was not easy, she never lost her faith in the Lord. Never. In her darkest moments she turned to God to help her.

Deciding to do the Spiritual Exercises for the third time was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I suppose it is true what the say, the third time is the charm! And it was. My group was unbelievable and our spiritual director was phenomenal. I honestly went into it not knowing what would happen or expecting anything. I knew I needed God more than ever and being within the walls of St. Mary's Chapel was comforting and soothing. I swear God was working his ways in every small group. There were many times I came to SPA feeling defeated, hopeless... completely lost. Listening to my group members speak was as if God was talking to me through them. God has a plan...I need to trust it. God wants what is best for us. When going through struggles, He does not want for our life to just go back to how it was before the pain, he want to make it better. He wants to make our lives better and if we trust and follow his call, it will happen. Yes, things do not always turn out the way you want, but you still need to believe and trust the Lord. That is exactly what faith is....trusting even though we do not know what will happen. Loving and believing what is true with in our hearts. Patience is the art of hoping.

Okay this is a long one....I'll shut up now. I just could write a novel about Faith, Hope and Love. Two things I will leave you with. A picture of an incredible CD one of my group members gave to each of us and another group member made us all a key chain consisting of 5 stones for the 5 steps of the Examen and a St. Ignatius of Loyola medal. The second has become my mantra in life. One simple word that has gotten me through the past few months:

BELIEVE. 

Yes, believe. I have learned that all we need in life is to believe.  Believe in God, believe in yourself and most importantly, believe in love.

Okay...I know...I can't stop! Its hard to shut me up, but here are a few videos of songs on the CD I wanted to share. 

This is like the melody of my heart.

I have heard this song many times before, but when I was driving home last night I was really moved.